mad world

you know what hurts?
filling your head with ideas and fantasies of a perfect love and dreams come true...
and finding out that just because you wish on stars, doesn't mean those burning orbs of gas even hear you.

what hurts is knowing that your world is falling apart.
that it is crumbling away, piece by piece...
and no matter how hard you try, you can't put it pack together, because the "fix instantly" glue won't stick.

what kills me is this need to be someone, to change something...
but never knowing exactly where to start.

wait.

i know where to begin.

i need to change myself before i can truly accomplish anything else.
the problem is, i'm so used to being me
that i'm unsure of how to be someone else.

or maybe i got that all wrong.

perhaps i'm so used to being someone else,
that i don't know how to be "me" anymore

it's almost a habit to pretend that the girl i see in the mirror every day is me.
she has my eyes, and my hair
and sometimes, she even wears my smile.

but there's something missing.

her eyes seem so hollow, and cold
i often wonder, if she has a soul at all.

and her smile,
the corners of her pretty mouth lift,

but smiles indicate happiness--and i know she's not happy.

the real me is always happy.
her genuine smile brightens everyone's day
her laughter resonates in their ears,
like joyful music without words.
she is beautiful.

maybe i am both of these girls.

or neither.

perhaps somewhere in between.

or maybe i am someone else entirely.

i live in such a mad world, that i don't know how i'd ever know.
maybe i'm just as mad as the rest of my world.