to be truthful, i have a very bad memory.
i know a lot of people claim they're pretty forgetful, but i have this strange & sometimes terrible, yet wonderful ability to forget.
or at least the illusion of forgetting. i guess you could call it my super power. my memory works a little like this:
i can push things so far back into the innermost parts of my mind that eventually--it's like it never happened.
(i mean it did, but it's almost like whatever power that thing, person, event, or circumstance had over me suddenly doesn't matter anymore).
it no longer will bother me because i can "forget" most of the details. what was said, what was done, how it made me feel. all gone. not entirely, but a big chunk of it. even good things.
i often think of it as my brain making room for better memories that i may have in the future. like maybe whatever happens at this point of my life isn't really the stuff worth remembering.
when i feel like catching up, i look back at my old journal entries--the ones on here & the ones i occasionally scribble out in my notebook.
this doesn't give me too much of a memory boost, since i don't tend to write a play by play of my life, rather it's kind of a reminder of how far i've come...how much my maturity has well--matured & how my thinking & feelings about things have changed. (hopefully for the better).
i am so fortunate to have the life i have.
i feel often that i am not thankful enough for it. that i don't use my time in all the right ways. that i might be doing something wrong. that maybe that's ok.
sure, there are some things i wish never happened (because no matter what i do, my super power doesn't help me forget as much as i'd like).
but at the same time, i'm glad they did. i've learned so much. & i'm still learning & with God's help this year is going to grow me even more than i could have possibly imagined.
& i hope i remember as much of it as i can.