Listening to: Mess is Mine-Vance Joy
Reading: House of Leaves-Mark Z. Danielewski
Watching: What If
nobody freak out, but
i'm no longer single.
& i am so incredibly happy. :]
this is how it happened:i told myself i would never ever never ever in a million years try meeting anyone online ever again...
i was hanging out with a girl from work back in January & she was all like: hey you should totally open an account on this one dating website for fun.
& at first, i was really hesitant--i mean, i haven't exactly had a good track record with online relationships. but she was pretty convincing & so by the end of the night, i had set up an account to appease her--that i just figured i'd delete soon after.
except i didn't.
i began chatting with some nice guys on there that i could carry on conversations with & i thought to myself, if nothing else maybe i can make a few friends. so i continued being nice, not really interested romantically in any of the few guys that i kept correspondences with. & then, on February 2, i got a message from a guy that totally impressed me. it wasn't his profile picture (though, i think he's handsome), it wasn't his career choice (which happens to be accounting & therefore not overly thrilling to me in any way haha). but his message to me was just perfect.
first of all,
he did not start his message (or even end his message) like every other guy i'd talked to. he did not mention anything about my looks. i had been so used to every message beginning with: hey gorgeous, beautiful, sexy..etc. & i was really tired of it. so it was really impressive when he commented on how cool i seemed based on my movie & book taste. & his last sentence: you write with a really good flow. (like, who says that?!) i was blown away by such a simple message that mentioned nothing about my appearance, but instead focused on my personality (& writing abilities). ;]
& basically, we wrote very long messages back & forth for weeks non-stop. which turned into hours worth of phone calls, & even more hours of skype-ing. when finally, he suggested meeting in person. & yeah, i was scared. i was terrified. but our personalities were just so great together. we had our differences, but we understood each other. i thought overall it'd be better to meet him sooner rather than later. so on Friday, March 6 we officially met.
& the rest is history really...
we are now boyfriend & girlfriend.
why is that so weird to say?
honestly, my life with him in it is ten times better. he makes me feel beautiful & awesome & that's kind of a startling thing to feel because for so long i just figured i'd never have that.
but look at me now :]
so many years of struggling to keep my head above water. i was so often filling my heart with my short-comings & pouring in flaw after flaw until i made a river of self-consciousness. until i felt less like the uniquely, talented beautiful girl everyone had always told me i was & more like a mistake that needed to be fixed in order to matter. in order to mean anything to anyone at all.
i still get flustered sometimes, because the way he looks at me--the way he sees me...
is nothing short of beautiful.
& i guess i'm just going to have to get used to that.